Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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