the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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