i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
