I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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