so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
