He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
