my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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