God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
