I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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