if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
