so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
