Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
