I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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