i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
