My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
