I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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