hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
