Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
