based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I think i got beer on your cat.
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