He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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