my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
