how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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