"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hippo gnu deer
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
