Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
smell my finger.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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