ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
