My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
