Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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