Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
