I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
