I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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