Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
