It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
