I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize