My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
