ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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