My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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