oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
