Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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