Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
