I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So squirting runs in the family.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
