After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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