Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
