You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize