so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
where am i from again
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
