Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
