I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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