it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
