My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
