the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
