Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
