im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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