So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
