on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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