So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
