My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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