You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
