What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
