I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
