Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize