he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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