Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am naked and annoyed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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