I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
